Cellar Of Wonders
IC date: Summer 80, 1007
OOC date: September 8, 2011
PCs: Amber-Shot, Captain-Mwai, Lavender, Lorelei, Mad-Mare, Whistlestop
NPCs: Rough, Tumble
GM: Captain-Mwai

A shaky, striped figure bopples awkwardly towards the Mayor's mansion. "Aoowur, Salty, y'know that 'angover cure you said you'd take to the grave with you? I'll be needing that…"

"Who're you talking to?"

A huge brick of a plum pegasus colt stares at Mwai curiously, blinking a little. He tilts his head. He must be, like, the size of two Mwais. Maybe even three. He must also be a hallucination brought on by the terrible drugs. "What grave?"

Mwai pounds a hoof on the front door. "Is there anypony in? I urgently require access to the previous mayor's extremely well-stocked bottlery. I'm an old friend. Very important. I'm sure I have a badge she painted on a chunk of wood somewhere…"

Whistlestop ambles over to snuff at the door curiously, smallish wings fluttering against his back. "Bottlery is a neat word," he observes with a nod.

Trying hard not to be spotted, and perhaps with some success, Lavender lurks…somewhere nearby, amidst some trees. Hat held low over her eyes, if stealth was determined only by how sneaky one felt, Lav would be completely invisible. As it stands, anyone who glances her direction can clearly see that she's up to something. The 'something', in this case, seems to be following Mwai around…because of the bottlery he's sure to get into.

Mwai knocks again, then drops to his hindquarters, clutching his head. "No, really, y'honor it's a matter of life and bloody death— see, Salty 'ad this little black bottle…"

Now that the storm's passed, it's back to business as usual, eh? It's late though, even if it is a weekend, and the Mayor's Manor is all guarded. Watch Guardsponies and everything standing as proud as criminals in important positions can, watching the small group of ponies approach.

"'ey, Tumble."

"Yea Rough?"

"Get a load of this. What'cha think? Small, Medium, Extra-Large?"

But the trio get all the way to the door before Rough 'n Tumble do something about it. "Hey, hey." Rough grumbles, extending a leg across the door. "You can't just go poundin' on the Mayor's door without an invitation. Who do you think you are?"

Mwai regards the imposing stallions in a manner one might expect from an extremely hung over Zebra with authority issues and feelings concerning death which normal people reserve for, say, traffic stops. "Captain Mwai of the Destiny Caravel, at your service. *ow* There are important… oooorhrr… items in the care of the present mayor that… urur… -no, really I'm not gonna throw up- I… require. Yes. Yes require is definitely the word."

Whistlestop brightens as the ponies talk to him! Well, to Mwai, but maybe to him too! "I think I'm Whistlestop!" he says proudly. "Can I pound on the door now?" Beam!

And speaking of invitations, at least one pony does have one. Or at least an appointment. "Excuse me," a voice behind Mwai and Whistlestop says. "'scuse me, I've got an appointment." The bartender from the Champagne Bay is hidden behind the immense pegasus— not hiding, mind, just utterly dwarfed by the great big train puller. "Mayor Lorelei was going to hear out some grievances about the drunkards down on the docks." He tries to step around Whistlestop and Mwai but finds the way always blocked by either one's size or the other's attempts to maintain balance.

So much knocking! Surely it's gotten the attention of someone important inside. It must have, because the door opens after the fourth set of knocks, regardless of the -expert- guardsponies sworn to keep all the local riffraff at bay, showing a very frowny Mad Mare. Whom eyes the zebra blearily.

"Excuse me. Some of us who have very important jobs are trying to settle in for the night. Is this so important that you need to wake the Mayor?"

Now that Maddie's there, Rough 'n Tumble just kinda..sidestep away from the door. Boss'll handle this. No sweat. Tumble, at least, decides to be nice enough to explain for his boss though. "Uh. Yeah Boss. They says they has invitations. Somethin' about drunkards, and things they need that the mayor has." Rough chimes in, "And the big guy's named Whistlestop." Aren't they just so helpful?

"Uh-huh." Maddie says, her head tilted. …They seem harmless enough. Even if that pegasus is as big as a bloody house. "Right, well, fine. Come on in. I'm sure the Mayor will be so very pleased to get to deal with something of this obvious magnitude at this crazy hour." And with that, Maddie steps aside, leaving an open door for the whole pony crew!

The Governor's Mansion smells of fresh timber and stale rum. There's an odd sort of war going on between the current mayor and her predecessor being fought in the language of interior decorating. Some areas of the mansion look freshly remodeled, while others create the distinct impression of having been drenched with cheap rum and set on fire, then put out and doused with cheaper perfume.

Lavender sees an opening to sneak on in! She rapidly prances up from the bushes, lifts her hat, and does her best to look like she's absolutely up to good. Mwai must surely be brilliant to get in so easily. She pretends to be with the band, yup, yup.

With a familiarity borne of visits during, if not happier, less sober times, Mwai trots directly to the Study.

The study has been mostly "reclaimed". There's a large circular rug covering most of the middle of the room, with an ocean floor around its perimiter, and seaweed, coral, and rocks "rising" towards the center, where a small circle of air is depicted, with the sun at its center, seeming to cast rays into the rest of the rug. There are hardly any burn marks at all.

Whistlestop just beams proudly. "I am named Whistlestop!" he enthuses. Big as a house, dumb as a brick. As they're ushered inside, he blinks. He hadn't thought about going inside! But now, that seems to be the instruction. So he ambles in after— and gets stuck in the doorway… and squirms his way inside. "Oof! I'm kind of big," he comments with shy apology, before he sniffs a little. "It smells like… confusion."

"Maybe if she didn't keep her schedule so darn booked during the day with Celestia only knows what, she'd have time earlier to listen to the common folk," the bartender grumbles. He doesn't like being away from his bar during peak hours like this, hopefully he can make his case quickly and head back to the port. "Honestly, we hardly see the woman except during official functions."

To the study! Well… The Mayor's Mansion is, funnily enough, one place Maddie hasn't gone hiding anything in. So when the group shuffles off to the study, she takes to the stairs to let Lorelei know that they have guests. "Oh Miss Mayor~ You have company! You wanted to meet more with the ponyfolk, didn't you?"

Mwai critically observes the room and then jerks the large rug aside. The rug lifts to reveal! A highly suspicious trap door!

"AHHH!" Whistlestop bellows in surprise. "There is a door in the floor!!" He prances on his hooves for a second, then looks at Amber-Shot and points with wide eyes at the revealed door. "A door!!"

Lorelei blinks and glances up, stifling a yawn. She'd been rather cozily sprawled out on a lounging couch — it must be new, it's actually in good condition! "Hm? Guests?" She stretches a bit. "At this hour? Well… alright then." She had been wanting to meet more ponies, get better acquainted with the townsfolk and all! Though she hadn't expected that to come at nighttime. She climbs gracefully off the lounge, giving herself a slight shake before moving to follow after Maddie. "Just a visit, or has something happened?"

"!!" goes the bartender, his surprise audible. "Hey, what do you think you're doing," he snaps at Mwai as he goes to scoot the rug back over the trapdoor. "You can't just go snooping around in the mayor's house like that!" The yellow stallion nods at Whistlestop. "Yeah, one we haven't been invited into. We should wait here for the mayor and stop poking things." A glower is thrown towards Mwai.

Mwai gives the bartender a hurt look. "I was good friends with the previous mayor… owww…. I *know* she'd want me to have that hangover cure of hers…"

"That's not hardly an excuse," the bartender says flatly.

Lavender sidles around the room as unobtrusively as possible, edging to keep rather towards Mwai. But the now-hidden trap door, it beckons, and she mentally notes its location…for the future. Just in case.

"What's a hangover cure?" Whistlestop asks loudly to the zebra. Very loudly. Luckily, the big brute is the perfect cover for Lav's under-cover sneaking!

"No idea. Apparently one had an appointment, and the rest are here because they're drunk." Maddie says, being about as helpful as her goons at the moment. She trots on into the study now that Lorelei's alerted to the presence of ponies. "Ahem." she ahems, noting the apparent lack of proper manners. Poking around a pony's house indeed. "The mayor's on her way. If you need anything you should ask her instead of…" Her eyes drift down to the trap door. "…Huh. Has that always been there?"

Mwai reaches into the well for the trap door's handle and pulls. The trap door opens with a well-oiled lack of creaking. The darkness below glints with hundreds of glass bottles and other vessels. There's a rich smell of aged spirits and dust.

Lorelei blinks and nods, taking a moment to glance in a mirror and fix up her mane before making her way down the stairs and to the study. "Well, hello! I heard there's visitors, I'm sorry to have kept you wai-… Is there a door in my floor?" She tilts her head quizzically, looking puzzled. And a bit surprised. That zebra sure is forward about snooping, isn't he.

Whistlestop frowns, and then brightens as the mayor and her aide arrives. "There's a door!" he confirms cheerfully. As Mwai opens it, he leans over to observe curiously. "It's dark…"

When Maddie trots back into the lobby the bartender bolts upright. "I told 'em not to touch anything, ma'am," he says quickly. "That zebra just started shufflin' through things, I told him not to touch anything." Suck-up or concerned citizen? The world may never know.

He shoots another glare behind him as the trap door is opened regardless of instructions to the contrary and then— "…I know that smell, is that a wine cellar?" Oh, wait, the mayor's here! "Miss Lorelei, we've been having trouble with the, uh, the drunks from the Rusty…" the bartender begins before trailing off as the mayor does. "Yeah, that's a door in your floor alright." He looks over his shoulder again at Mwai's nosing.

Mwai announces to nopony in particular, "Alright, I'm going in," and descends the stairs.

There are bottles both exotic and simple, from very mundane-looking bottles of youthful rum to twisted, eerily glowing vessels that may or may not be slightly alive. There's something eerie about a place organized by someone like Salty— that feels organized. CARE has been put into this place. One wouldn't assume she was the sort to care. She definitely wasn't the sort to write neat little labels on things.

The big pony brightens and leans down to follow Mwai — and finds himself far too big to fit. He strains and scrambles, then flops with a disappointed "Awwww." At least he can withdraw, letting the other ponies go down instead

Lavender, upon seeing her apparent idol-for-some-reason descending those stairs, shoulders her way past other ponies and romps on down behind, then promptly in front of, Mwai. "Oooh, it's dark…and awesome."

This is a sudden conundrum! On the one hoof, Maddie feels prompted to chew ponies out for being so brash as to barge into an important pony's house and raid its secrets like it were just some corner grocery store.

On the other hoof, it's a secret she didn't know about. Go figure, given the scents rising from that secret of secrets, it would be a place swimming in booze of some sort. "I thought we got rid of all the old mayor's booze." she notes thoughtfully, eyes flicking up to the zebra who's pushing all the buttons. Er, pulling all the levers. Suddenly she remembers him! That memory triggers a brief moment of panic, as Maddie immediately glances around to see if his eternal 'companion' is also here! Wha? Where!? … Okay. No Bone Mistress. This may end alright after all. …Which means it should be safe to descend. Which she does, right behind Mwai and the errant filly. "Hey. These still belong to the mayor, the least you could do is explain what you're intending to do here."

Lorelei tilts an ear, looking a bit surprised for a moment. A door? In her study. On the floor — who puts a door on the floor? That's sure an odd place for one, and… "Hey! Where're you… hey wait a minute, you can't just go on in there, I don't know what's… who are you, anyway?" She scrambles after the descending crowd, frowning uneasily.

Mwai walks thoughtfully down the rows of bottles, mentally taking an inventory…

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d20 (Maddie's Bottle) — Result: 15 | Sum: 15
A jar full of rainbow-colored powder sits on top of a stack of warning notices. The top one says "Smile Dip is now BANNED in Equestria" There's also a letter from the captain of the Manehattan police that says "Thanks for ruining this for EVERYPONY, Salty >:("

Lavender addresses Mwai as she romps around, exercising just barely enough care not to break any of the beautiful bottles, "These are amazing!" Though she does seem to be awfully close. "Ooh, what's this one?" she asks, quieter, of nobody in particular…

» Lavender rolls 1d20 (Lav's Bottle) — Result: 12 | Sum: 12
It looks exactly like a mason jar of mercury. It says "oh delicious trouble". How was Salty even alive to write that.

» Lorelei rolls 1d20 (Lookin' at shelves~) — Result: 18 | Sum: 18
A large packet of dried bunches. Blurdots: EMERGENCIES ONLY

"H-hey, wait up!" the bartender says. "If you're going to be going down there, the least you can do is take someone who knows his way around spirits!" He brings up the rear of the group and, after grabbing a convenient firefly lantern from the wall, carefully climbs down into the cellar as well. "…Celestia above, will you look at that," he gasps from around the handle of the lantern. "Henneighssey dating back forty years… this wine from a Seaddle vineyard's got to be a century old!" He peers at a strangely labeled bottle on another shelf. "…what's this now?"

» Amber-Shot rolls 1d20 (I AM A BARTENDER AND WHAT IS THIS) — Result: 7 | Sum: 7
A twisted, driftwood-like bottle with different colors of tinted glass fused together, and holding a milky fluid which glows dully. As you approach, you hear a ghostly voice: "I don't know how I learned this spell well I do but I won't in the morning because my CELESTIA I am so brilliant right now I could probably even—"…followed by a crash.

"Why do I feel like I've just walked into some crazy experiment?" Maddie wonders, eying the various shelves. She tilts her head at one in particular, something of powder and not spirit at all! Well now. She suffers a moment of shifty-eyes. Maybe checking to see if Salty isn't there somewhere, lurking, waiting to scare her for being in her personal stores of illicit goodies. "…I wonder just how much of this stuff would've gotten somepony thrown in a dungeon."

Lorelei tilts her head. "Blurdots? What…" she peers up at them, then over at another shelf. "…What is all this stuff?"

Lavender looks at the jar of silvery strange stuff she found, nudges it back and forth and watches the curious surface tension it has. She looks around 'til nobody is watching, lifts up her hat, stuffs it underneath, and tightens the strap reeal tight. Oof, this jar is heavy!

» Lorelei rolls 1d20 (Is there anything Lorelei might actually recognize?) — Result: 9 | Sum: 9
A heavy, black fluid in squared-off bottle that has no label, but etched directly into the glass: I SEE DEAD PONIES

The bartender squints at the collage of colors that is the fused glass. "That's a heck of a bottle," he says as he leans in for a closer look… and begins hearing voices!? He holds his ear close to it as he swears he can hear it whispering to him. "Figured out a new spell… wait, milky color… oh!" He glances around frantically and pushes the bottle of wine to the back of the shelf, behind a couple of more mundane spirits. "Don't need the Watch hearing that there's Eigenberry back here," he mumbles. In a regular tone of voice he calls out, "Hey, what have you fillies found?"

Mwai's hooves close on a familiar black bottle. He uncorks it and knocks it back— there's a slip of paper in it. It says, "Do you want to know what my secret is? Oh I'm so sure you do…" Mwai sighs. "Oh Salty, you're still too sneaky for me, aren't you…"

» Mwai rolls 1d20 — Result: 17 | Sum: 17
This is a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle! …what use could this possibly HAVE?

Mwai can't find anything useful!

So many bottles. So many different things. But what do they do? There's only one way to find out! "Hey. Kid. C'mere." she calls out to Lavender~

Lorelei leans forward to sniff at a shelf, eyes widening when she spots something she actually recognizes! "Well! Haven't seen that sort of thing in a while…" she looks over at Maddie. "Did we know this all was here? I didn't order any of it. …I don't know what most of it is," she admits, lowering her voice a bit.

Lavender perks up, head high, ears attentive. "Hum?" She spins to look as her name is called, and trots on over. "What is it?"

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d10 (Mean Maddie or Nice Maddie?) — Result: 8 | Sum: 8

Maddie plucks the rainbow-powder-bottle off the shelf she's standing next to, gingerly placing it on the floor in front of her. "No, Ms. Mayor, we had no clue any of this existed. And if half of this is what I think it may be, it's going to be a good idea to keep it off the books, too." She squints down at Lavender. "…Take a drink of that bottle, kid, and I'll give ya five bits."

That's right, don't bother asking the guy who knows liquors professionally. Just feed 'em to the little kid and see what happens. "What's that you've got there, mayor?" the yellow stallion asks as he trots across the cellar to Lorelei. He peers at the label on the bottle on front of her. "Either that stuff is 150 proof alcohol, or… hmm, judging from the viscosity and the label… a bottle of Hallows?" He lets out a low whistle. "That stuff is pretty pricey, the ingredients for it come from the bottom of the ocean. I hear they can only ever brew batches of the stuff when a shipwreck gets knocked loose and washed closer to shore with all sorts of weird sea plants growing in it."

» Amber-Shot rolls 1d20 (I am the very model of a modern pony bartender) — Result: 5 | Sum: 5

Lavender sits down in front of the bottle and eyes it. Then looks up at Maddie, eyes the bottle again. "Hmmm. What's the catch…miss?" she asks, eyes narrowed, then tries reading it for any visible label. But five bits is five bits, and certainly tempting.

"The catch?" Maddie snorts, "The catch is that we're in a secret wine cellar of the dead mayor's illegal booze collection. So I have no idea what this stuff is, or what it will do. That's why I'm offering to pay you to have some." She eyes the bottle. Then Lavender. "How about ten bits?"

Lorelei nods slowly, blinking and glancing over at Amber. "Yes, I imagine it would be hard for lan-… for one to get ahold of. The ingredients. From the Deep Seas. I mean. Ahem." She shrugs one shoulder lightly. "Well I don't see why anypony would want all that much of it. I suppose if you had somepony you wanted to talk to, perhaps… hm."

Lavender peers closer at that bottle…then grins wickedly. She's talked more money out of her foe! "It's a deal! Ten bits." She unstoppers the bottle and tilts it towards her, leaning down and taking a ginger sip. Ginger, but big enough that no one can doubt she's earned her bits…

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d20 (What //else is on this shelf?) — Result: 14 | Sum: 14
Hello that's a gemstone. Mounted in a jar. That says "IN CASE OF CELESTIA BREAK GLASS"//

"You could ask the mayor what half of this stuff is," the bartender replies. "If there's anything I'd expect Salty to haunt when she ought to be in the great beyond, it's her secret stash. The mare was a heck of a lush, and proud of it." He gives the shelves a quick once-over and pauses on a keg in the corner. "…though even I'm at a loss why the heck she'd want THAT around," he says quietly as he recognizes the extract of Poison Joke.

» Lorelei rolls 1d20 (And what's on //this shelf? O,O) — Result: 4 | Sum: 4
A strangely matte-green fluid in a slender, clear bottle, which Salty has labeled with a sketch of a Zebra with dashed lines coming out of it. There's a note underneath it that says "This won't be fun until we get more zebras around here."//

Sniff sniff sniff sneeze. Lorelei wrinkles her nose slightly, giving a dainty little sniffle and reaching a foreleg up to rub her nose. "…Well this is very interesting, but… what do we do with it all?" This is directed mostly in Maddie's direction. After all, it is her house, why would any of these other ponies have a say in it?

Lavender wrinkles her nose a little, "Tastes like…some weird kind of cotton candy." She hiccups a little, then re-stoppers the bottle, stares at it, and grins. "Oh, it is cotton candy! I've never seen that in a bottle before." She stands up and looks around. "This is great! It must have been a teleportation potion, and I took us all to a candy store!"

So long as Maddie's waiting for…whatever's in that powdered glass to effect Lavender, she may as well peer at the shelf again. Is there another rainbow bottle? No. No… There's something else entirely. A gem, in a bottle. How does a gem get in a bottle? She squints… How unusual. Worded like an emergency item. But what kind of emergency? The shifty-eyes come back, Maddie making a quick effort to pluck the gem-bottle, tuck it into a little pouch, and pull out ten bits to set next to the rainbow-powdered bottle. That's all she was doing, getting her bits. Yep.

"Do with it?" Maddie says, perking her ears at Lorelei. "Obviously when we're done fooling around here, we seal the room up and pretend it doesn't exist. I'm willing to bet most of this stuff is dangerous in the wrong hooves~"

Trotting over to the keg to see what else is in this corner of mischievousness, the bartender says to Lorelei's question that isn't directed to him, "If there's anypony you feel like playing a trick on you could slip some of this Poison Joke into their snowcone." He scrutinizes one of the nearby shelves.

» Amber-Shot rolls 1d20 (Wheel of Boozeahol, spin spin spin, gimme a bottle with liquor within!) — Result: 8 | Sum: 8
A dark red bottle with a flame crossed out stamped on it. There's a note that says "oh celestia. no pegasi allowed on this. unless you hate their friends."

"Fireberry Wine right next to the Poison Joke extract," mumbles the bartender with a roll of his eyes. "THAT figures."

Hmmm. That wasn't quite the reaction Maddie was hoping for. She studies Lav carefully, even leans down to squint at the little filly. "Cotton candy. In a bottle? Tell you what, I'll double the bits if you chug down the next bottle I pick up. Twenty bits, on top of the ten I just gave you. Deal?"

Lorelei glances over at Amber-Shot, tilting an ear. "Whyever would I want to play a joke on somepony?" This is asked with a good deal more curiosity than disdain. She's actually not being snarky! She looks over her shoulder at Maddie, frowning faintly. "…If it's potentially dangerous… should you be giving it to a foal?" That is said with a bit more disdain for the idea. It doesn't seem the best of plans, after all.

"I leave that up to the foal~" Maddie counters. "So far we haven't really found anything so much dangerous as mischievous."

"'cause that's all Poison Joke is good for, Miss Lorelei," answers the bartender. "It doesn't matter WHAT you do with the stuff. Ferment it, cook it, stew it— it'll play a practical joke on anypony who touches the stuff." His face falls and he adds in a deadpan, "You get real familiar with it after spending enough time around zebras." So far he's been just far enough away from Maddie to not catch her feeding strange liquors to Lav or he'd try to put a stop to that in an instant.

Lavender just grins wide. "How could I possibly say no to more candy like that!" Then she frowns a little…and sidles over to Mwai. "Hey Captain Mwai…All this candy is good, right? …Heehee! When did you get that parrot? Well hello to you too! I'm sorry, I don't have any crackers…"

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d20 — Result: 17 | Sum: 17
Several bottles of what is definitely rainbow extract (nothing else just *sits* with seven different colors floating on top of each other), and beneath them— all seven colors, separated out. From left to right, they are labeled: [Vile], [EXTRA vile], [WHAT IS THIS I LOVE YOU COW MARRY ME], [Weaaaak], [(Note to self: put in Polaris' coffee)], [Booooring], and [I FEEL IT, I FEEL THE COSMOS]

» Lorelei rolls 1d20 (Aaaand new shelf!) — Result: 9 | Sum: 9
Inside a locked chest, packed in loose wood shavings, a bottle of neatly labeled Amethyst Cider.

Lorelei looks as though she's about to argue, but is distracted by the box on the next shelf, pausing to examine it curiously. You don't lock up something plain, after all!

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d2 ((picking colors)) — Result: 2 | Sum: 2

The moment of silence from potentially sane voices makes Maddie grin. Right then, no more objections to her feeding underaged fillies full of strange brew! She glances to the next shelf down, and… What? Rainbow? Lots of rainbow. Lots of colors. Pure colors. Hmmmm… She studies the various wordings, closes one eye, and does a quick 'eenie meenie' game with the two labeled 'i feel the cosmos' and 'what is this'. Those sound the most entertaining! Her hoof lands on…'what is this'. So that's the one she plucks up and places in front of Lavender next.

"Here ya go, kid. Twenty bits, if you chug it."

» Lorelei rolls 1d20 (How observant am I~) — Result: 13 | Sum: 13

Lavender sprawls out on the ground and grins up at Maddie. "Of course, miss ice cream lady, that looks absolutely lovely, thank you so very much! Oh, it's so delicious looking I'm just going to om nom chug." She rolls over with the 'What is this'.

Ah! There we go. …That wasn't the cleverest of hiding places, was it? Lorelei scoops up the key and unlocks the chest, nudging it open to peer in curiously. Oh, another bottle. Amethyst Cider? Well it must be something special. It was locked.

The bartender grows bored with the corner of mischievousness and heads back over the mayor. "Oh, that's a nice little chest," he says as he glances over the mayor's shoulder. "There's either something really great or really terrible," he says as he looks at the bottle next to where the chest had been. "Huh, not sure I recognize this," he says as he prods the bottle. "'Never again'… nah, I got nothing." He glances back at the mayor as he hears the 'click' of the tumbler…


He quickly closes the lid, rudely cutting off Lorelei's curious gazing. "Don't let anypony see that," the yellow stallion whispers urgently.

Lavender dumps the empty bottle off to the side, and starts to shake and kick at the air, eyes wide. Anyone with a little common sense and compassion might be very worried about the filly right now!…except that she shortly begins rambling, "The walls…the walls are full of candy too…it's all rainbow candy and they're spilling out of the cracks between the bricks and the cracks are getting wider and we're going to drown in candy." She grins. Wide.

Lorelei starts a bit and takes a half-step back. "What? Why? What is it? It looked perfectly fine to me."

Maddie strokes her chin thoughtfully. "It figures… Probably the only two bottles with 'happy fun' drink in them, and I manage to give them both to the little girl." She clears her throat, eying the other bottle she didn't pick last time. "…Hey kid. You wanna see the cosmos too?"

Mwai, meanwhile, is in the back of the cellar pulling up floorboards in search of a hangover cure that he knows must be stashed around in here SOMEWHERE…

Lavender's eyes grow wide. She looks at a point directly behind Maddie, with the intensity of a thousand happy suns, each wearing sunglasses. "Don't you think…some of the rabbits…want some too? They're lining up behind you, and they have baskets full of… more candy…" She rolls onto her hooves again. "Hey, what's in that box? I bet it's full of mangoes!" she says, shuffling towards the rather expensive chest.

The bartender gives the other ponies in the room a panicked glance to make sure they're still entirely involved in… whatever the heck it is they're doing. He should probably be paying more attention to that. Oh well. "That stuff is the most, and I mean the most expensive liquor in Equestria," he whispers to Lorelei. "A single shot of it is like the gates of heaven themselves opening up to you, chorus of angels and everything. That bottle in your hooves is probably worth thousands of Stalleons."

Lorelei stares over at him for a moment, then down at the box again, quickly re-locking it. Because that just seemed like the thing to do with something that had value like that! "For a single bottle? That is impressive."

Mwai stumbles out from the back. "There's no hangover cure is there, Salty? You were just— just too tough for us by far, weren't you? Either that or… no." Mwai scrambles over to the keg of Poison Joke. "Is that it? Is that your secret?"

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d20 (One More Bottle…) — Result: 15 | Sum: 15
It's a jar full of a clear liquid that looks exactly like water. It has a note underneath it that says "Nobody was meant to know this— the things I saw— we're all so— we're all— SO ADORABLE! And Celestia KNOWS! She knows everything and she just laughs! She thinks we're all so CUTE with our wine and our Tuesday fire drills and that thing Polaris does when he's had half a thimble of watered-down rum…"

Watching as Lav crawls off, Maddie shrugs. Bunnies. Right. She studies the bottles… Then peers at Mwai! "Hey! Drunk'n Stripey! I think I found what you're looking for!"

Mwai waves Maddie off at first. "No no no— I mean, what if— what if somehow the poison joke IS the hangover cure—" at which point his brain catches up with his mouth "Did you say you'd found it?"

"Possibly!" Maddie says, plucking the bottle of clear liquid up. "You know Salty. She could've hid anything, anywhere. C'mere and give it a try before you drown yourself that…stuff."

Lavender puts her hooves up on the 'shelves' of the 'candy store', which is now melting and sliding back and forth, and even the shelves are made of peppermint sticks, and boy are they delicious. But there's more things to see!..

» Lavender rolls 1d20 (Poor filly…) — Result: 3 | Sum: 3
It's a corked jar that's been painted black. The paint is peeling, through which blue light is escaping. In whitewash, over the black paint, is scrawled "liiiiieeeees"

"Allright, let's see…" Mwai, in more control of his faculties, might have been able to foresee his error at this point. He does, after all, know a fair bit about potions and liqueurs…

» Amber-Shot rolls 1d10 (How underfoot is Lav?) — Result: 3 | Sum: 3

Mwai uncorks the bottle and, gingerly, takes a single careful but deep sip. He carefully corks it and puts it up and announces, "That is definitely not a hangover cure. And I am an idiot."

Mwai slumps to the floor. "I mean— I'm undead, right, I should be pretty thrilled to even get up in the morning, and what do I do, I complain and complain, and—"

Lavender grasps the corked jar in her hooves, and fumbles it open. "Blueberry!" she exclaims, "My favorite!" She takes a long drink. Long meaning all of it.

Now that he's close enough to hear Maddie and her shenanigans, the bartender looks at the Watch captain and then to Mwai, who it looks like was seconds away from guzzling the Poison Joke straight from the tap. "Woah there, hooves off the keg," he says loudly— perhaps too loudly for Mwai. "Whatever Salty's secret was, I'm darn sure it wasn't THAT." He takes a few steps towards Mwai and Maddie but has to pause to step around Lavender.

He pauses and sloooowly looks down.

"What are you doing down here, kid?" the stallion asks just as she starts guzzling her 'blueberry'. "Hey, spit that out! That's not blueberry anything! Celestia above, you have a death wish or something?" He reaches down to scoop up Lav with one hoof. "Spit that out right now, little filly!"

Maddie sets back on her metal legs, her good legs crossing over her chest. "Wow. That stuff didn't even faze you. Okay, I'm convinced none of this stuff is dangerous at all." She dips her head, thinking. "…And I'm bored." She glances to the next shelf down. Ooooh so tempting… …Aw, why not. Everypony else is doing it (except for the sane ones), why can't she?

» Mad-Mare rolls 1d20 (Last Bottle!) — Result: 13 | Sum: 13
A faceted bottle with a dark green liquid inside, with a crude note stuck onto it that says "NEVER AGAIN"

Mwai says "Oh Celestia you did all this on purpose, I see it now. I mean, I can't see the web— I'm just a fly in it— but you didn't accidentally ANYTHING when you left me here and that new Bone Mistress— what, your sister? She's just trying to help and is she part of it too? I don't even understand that…""

Lavender gives a huge grin up to the poor bartender, as she swallows. "Haha! Yeah, I know it's great! I'm sorry though, there's none left and I drank it all, but I'm sure there's more of it on the shelf." She's scooped up but, alas, spitting it out is too far in the past. "This is the best place I've ever been, everything is candy and lollipops and—burning and on fire."

The Captain is in pretty bad shape. "It's not even my hat! Salty I took everything from you and you only killed me a little that one time…"

Lorelei looks around, sitting back on her haunches with one hoof still lightly on the box. "…This is all getting somewhat strange."

"Cheers, good fellows." says the Mad Mare, plucking the sparky-bottle off the shelf, knocking the stopper off, and draining the evil green liquid. She promptly drops the bottle, and begins to wander her merry way out. Yes. She danced with the devil. And she feels nothing. "…Salty, you failed me. This wasn't even the slightest bit entertaining."

Mwai moans from the floor "and I somehow got that foal from town down here and the metal-legged mare hopped her up on Celestia-knows-what and that's all my fault too… Oooer a LOT of things are my fault…"

"Candy and… fire… what? Here, have you been drinking anything else off the shelves, little filly?" The bartender glances around to see if he can spot any bottles on the fl— "Captain! What are you doing!?" To the Watch Captain, that is, not the Pirate Captain moping on the floor. "Honestly, a cellar full of magical booze and you're all chugging at it without a care! This is why we can't have nice things!"

Lavender yells after Maddie as she wanders out, while still restrained by the bartender, "Maddie! You can't go, you're my //best friend!" She squirms. "I want to go home, I'm tired of this candy store." She pouts.

Mad-Mare says "Yes, you striped drunkard, this is all your fault." Maddie says as she passes Mwai, heading for the stairs out of this letdown of a secret cellar. "Especially what that little filly did. Shame on you, letting her drink so many strange things." She turns her head to glance back at Amber, holding Lav and all. "What? This place was harmless. At least, I didn't find anything even remotely dangerous to let her drink. She'll be fine… I'm going to bed. Ms. Mayor, when you're done down here, let a guard know so we can have it all locked up…""

"Don't worry, I'm gonna have one of the guards take you straight home," the bartender says gently to Lavender. "We'll call a potion master for you, too, see if we can't figure out what all you drank." It's a shame there's no 'blueberry' left to examine, it'd make figuring out her symptoms a lot easier if they knew at least about THAT drink. To Mad-Mare he barks, "You let her drink? She's just a kid, letting her have anything from down here is dangerous! Honestly!" He heads for the stairs back to the study. "What's your name, kid? Or your parents' names?"

The striped, groveling mass on the floor pulls itself up awkwardly and is able to lurch over to Amber-Shot. "Thank you for being somepony responsible around here. I do a lot of silly things… and I mean a LOT of silly things, but I don't mean for things to get as out of hand as they did tonight. Usually I'm too stubbornly impressed with myself to pay attention to little details like who did or didn't end up needing a stomach pump, and, while this ridiculous potion is still doing it's thing, I can at least tell you that."

Lavender huffs. "Well actually it was Captain Mwai's idea. Me? I'm the Dread Pirate Snowflake, and my parents died in the War." You can just hear the capital letter, but no particular war comes to mind. "I'm just going to go back to my ship and sleep it off."

Mwai grabs Lavender. "Don't be like me. Really, don't. I'm awful."

Lavender just gives Mwai a great big hug in response. "Don't worry, I won't!" Big happy smile. What did she really mean? What did she even think he said? No one could know, and she probably won't remember in the morning.

"You're a little late hopping on the responsibility wagon," the bartender says as Mwai hobbles over and begins waxing poetic about how he's a drunken lout— then reaches for Lav! "Woah, hey! Hands off the filly!" he says as he does an awkward little spin to pull Lavender out of her and Mwai's weirdo drunken hug, and probably send the overreaching zebra straight to the ground again. "Alright, Snowflake, let's get you somewhere safe."